Appreciating 2015 - Day Two

What was time wasted this year?

I wasted time on social media this year.  Sure I learned ALOT about things that I have no control over.  ALOT of things made me angry and dumbass posts made me want to slap the shit out of some people.  Emma did a art project for school recently.  The project was to draw a political depiction.  She drew two balloons (each representing the major political parties) flanking the world which was in the middle.  The next scene showed the balloons popping and multicolored confetti falling from the balloons.  Her third scene featured the world covered in confetti and the words "we are all the same inside we just have different opinions".  I'm really proud of her for coming up with this concept and it really showed me that it's just a matter of different opinions (although some people's opinions are bullshit...lol).  I need to stop wasting time caring about other people's opinions be it on social media, in face to face conversation, or anywhere else I might encounter them.  That's just major time wasted!

What was money wasted this year?

We have no savings fund.  If something goes wrong, we are fucked!  There was money wasted on stuff that I don't even think I have any more.  I wasted money on purchasing WW memberships, GPS watches for the running I don't do, clothes I thought were cute on the hanger but not on me, etc. etc. etc.  We work hard and have nothing to show for it but a bunch of stuff.  A major goal for the new year (along with getting a better paying job) is saving for a rainy day and putting money away for a down payment on a house.  Now THAT, would be money well spent and not wasted.

What was the biggest challenge you faced this year?

Definitely all of my health issues.  I spent the majority of this year getting bad news about my health or no news at all.  Not knowing why I feel bad has been challenging.  How do you address an issue when you don't even know what it is.  I've had a hard time wrapping my head around the issues I know of too.  Accepting that I have diabetes has been hard.  And knowing that this is what is going to end up killing me (a strong possibility that the degeneration from this disease will do me in!) is for some reason so hard for me to take.  You would think that everything I know and have seen in regards to this disease would make me straighten up, it hasn't. 

If anything, what would you change about how you handled that challenge?

I would go back in time when I was first warned by my doctor that if I didn't change my lifestyle I would end up with full blown diabetes.  That was close to 11 years ago when I had my son. 

Are you ending the year with any unfinished business?

Don't I end every year with unfinished business?  I didn't lose the weight.  I didn't advance my career (or at the least my paycheck).  I haven't been a better mom/wife/friend.

Are there any outstanding goals you’d like to let go of?

No.  The goals I had, I still have for the new year.  I'm not letting go of them.  In fact, I will be working harder than ever to meet my goals in 2016.

What was your worst setback in 2015?

Health issues, for sure.  This has been my worst year of feeling bad.  I woke up many days with no real motivation to even get up.  There were days when I felt so bad that I just let everything slide.  I had no drive to better myself.  I accepted that I was just not worth fighting for and I had to work extremely hard to turn those thoughts around.  My kids need me.  My husband needs me.  I'm worth fighting for.

Which bad habits or unhealthy patterns did you engage in that you’d like to give up once and for all?

Being sedentary.  Eating badly.  Spending more time with the online world than the people I love and care for.

What or whom held you back this year? Did anything make you shrink into yourself or feel defensive about your dreams?

I held myself back.  When you really consider this question, you are the only one that can really hold yourself back and it's up to you to go for it.  I have held on to years of resentment and blame for the way I grew up.  It doesn't even matter anymore and I can't go back and change things from the past.  The only option is to move forward and change the future.  I can't continue to think that I'm not worth it or that I'm not capable.  I can do all things I set my mind to no matter who or what gets in the way.  If you block me, get ready to get run over this coming year.

How did you hold yourself back this year? Which beliefs | ideas | excuses stopped you from pushing forward?

I believed that I was not smart enough to make things happen.  My beliefs were that others always had more talent, resources and ability to pass me by.  I believed that my body wasn't capable of changing for the better.  I thought that it was too hard to make changes to be healthier and that it isn't even worth it.  I know now that it IS hard but it ISN'T impossible.