I started writing a post the other day that had a theme of reflection. I, like many others, always make New Years resolutions that never stick. I give up, or forget about them, before January is even over. This year I wanted to soul search a bit and figure out my why for the different goals I always have. Ive been trying to lose the same 25, then 30, and now 40 pounds for the last few years. I've been attempting to exercise consistently for the last 10 years. And I've been trying to be a better person and mom for as long as I can remember. Why is it that I've never really been able to finish these goals? I can only attribute this to negative headspace. There's a lot of "I can't do this" and "it doesn't matter anyway" and every time I throw my goals away, I don't really learn anything from the repeat pattern of failure.
Then you add the aspect of resolutions and it just starts another pattern. Resolutions are fun because they are shiny and new. Making resolutions gives you this feeling of accomplishment. Simply declaring that you will accomplish XYZ in the coming year gives a little umph. It's thrilling to reach for something new every start of year. But the thrill wears off quickly when you don't understand the why. The usual why's don't seem to motivate me all the way through. I guess my whys are surface whys. I owe it to myself to delve a little deeper into what really drives me.
I thought the prompts from the blog I found were a great start to dissecting my thoughts and behaviors. Really looking at 2015 and understanding why my goals didn't come full circle should give me some insight on what I need to tweak to hit goal this coming year. As 2016 looms, I guarantee that my resolutions are the same as they have been for years. Figuring out how to get there will be different.
10 Questions for Today's Review:
What was time very well spent this year?
Definitely the time spent with my family. I felt the most joy and contentment when I was with my husband and kids. Whether it was just hanging around the house or taking trips to Sea World. I was always resistant (i.e. lazy) but when I did get my butt going I had a great time. My kids are growing so fast and I sometimes look at the bigger picture of them leaving home. Did I really behave in a way that made their life more enriched? Did I do things in a way that taught them something?
What was money very well spent this year?
Oh boy. I spent a lot of money. Money on nothing significant. Mainly money on wants. Lots of makeup, perfume, clothes and shoes which all made me happy so I guess it was money well spent. Then again, why did material things make me happy? I'm going to need to work on that.
What are your favorite memories of 2015?
This one is hard because I can't remember what happened earlier today let alone over an entire year. Some memories:
*picking out Bella (our sweet Maltipoo) at the pound
*seeing how excited Cody was when he got home from the FC Barcelona soccer game
*the first time I took Emma to get her hair done and how mad she was. now she makes her own appointments. lol
*our Big Bear trip - fishing and hiking - almost dying on the Gold Rush trail (it's funny now...honest!)
What did you accomplish or complete this year?
I actually figured out that I could apply for graduation for my AA degree. It's just been sitting there! I also took classes through work toward transfer to a BA degree. Of course this might be put on hold if I leave my current job (no more free classes).
Did you make any progress on long-term goals?
One of my long term goals is to advance my career. I'm truly tired of the paycheck to paycheck and the lack of challenge. A road block to that has been my laid back attitude at work. I don't ask for "more". I had the pleasure of getting to know a new co-worker over the past year and she has really taught me a lot about being your own advocate. The answer is always no if you don't ask.
What felt successful about the year, as a whole?
Perserverance! I went on a lot of interviews. Some I was denied for and some I declined the job. I learned that even though I might not get everything I want, the goal is to keep trying. I won't quit on my dreams! That alone seems successful to me.
Did you overcome any obstacles or mental blocks this year?
Hmmmm. I think I'm still working on this. As I said earlier, I have a lot of negative self talk. When I'm denied or fail at something I tend to abandon the goal. Mostly the goals that take a bit longer. Losing 40 pounds doesn't happen over night so that's a hard one for me to stick to and stay positive about. Short term stuff, like the next interview, is easier to keep fighting for. Those things have more instant gratification. So I guess I could say that I've gotten good at taking rejection, crying over it for a minute, and then trying again. I do need to work on erasing mental blocks when it comes to long term goals though (losing weight, finishing a bachelors degree).
What did you learn about yourself after all that happened in 2015?
I'm not a door mat. I learned that I can take a challenge and figure out the solution. I've learned that I just need to keep trying for what I want and not to take no for an answer. I've learned that many times rejection is not personal. Maybe there is someone that has better qualifications or another "in". So what? That doesn't define ME! I need to apply this to my health struggles. Figuring out how to walk my own path and not focusing on others is key for me right now.
Who nurtured or supported you most this year?
*the co-worker I mentioned earlier
*my kids and hubby
*various FB and blog personalities that don't even know I exist
Who did you enjoy nurturing and supporting?
*my kids, without a doubt (and I plan on doing even better in 2016)
Sadly my kids are probably the only people that I can claim to have nurtured and supported. I realize that I need to work on giving to others more. I really lack in being a good wife and friend (and sometimes mother).
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