December Beauty Favorites

I triple heart love blogs about makeup, hair and beauty products.  I follow a ton of them and my tastes are pretty mild but obsessed nevertheless.  One of my favorite things to do is peruse makeup blogs (and Pinterest boards <---check out my board) for the latest and greatest beauty items.  I also love to read the monthly beauty favorites some bloggers post sooo....I decided to try the same thing here. For fun and because I fing feel like it.  Enjoy.

Let's talk about some of these beauties!

Maskcara IIID Foundation pallet.  This thing is my ultimate favorite.  It is customizable with refillable magnetic pans.  I originally started out with the Sunlit foundation but it ended up being too yellow for my skin so I switched to White Peach.  I also have the Walnut contour, Honey highlighter and Pink Grapefruit blush (plus Jem and Dahlia).  This current combination is working out really well for me.  The brush is also awesome and makes application a breeze.  Check out this tutorial over at The Small Things Blog on how to apply this to perfection.  The only thing that would make this line better is if they put names on the back of the pans so I'd know what I need to re-order when I run out.

Tarte Showstopper and Tarte Tartlette pallets.  I never really went for the Tarte brand before but started getting interested when I recently saw some reviews for the Tartlette in Bloom pallet.  I ordered a Smashbox pallet when I had my $20 off of $50 at Sephora recently and ended up not liking the Smashbox pallet at all.  I went to my Sephora store with the intention of exchanging the Smashbox pallet for the Tartlette in Bloom but they were sold out so I settled (reluctantly) on the original Tartlette pallet.  Well...it turned out that this pallet is becoming a fast favorite.  I'm currently into the no makeup, makeup look and I reach for this pallet over any of my Urban Decay Naked palettes daily.  I'm in LOVE!  The Showstopper pallet is also perfection.  I picked this one up on Black Friday and got the pallet for around $30.  I love it because it's an all in one pallet.  You have a contour shade, highlighter, blush and 6 beautiful shadows (matte and shimmer).  I have definitely been converted and am now a huge Tarte fan.  I'll definitely be picking up more items from this brand!

These items happen to be my favorite, used everyday, products.  The Maybelline Color Tattoo in Barely Branded is beautiful.  I use this by itself or under my powder shadow and it makes everything stay put, no primer needed.  The MAC single eyeshadow in Brun is excellent for eyebrows. Maskcara talks and blogs about this in nearly every tutorial as being the best eyebrow shadow and I have to agree.  It matches well and stays right were you apply it.  It also makes a great powder eyeliner.  The L'oreal La Lacque Lipstick in shade #201 is the perfect fall color.  It gives a nice berry stain with a bit (but not too much) shine.  I love that it doubles as a lip liner too.

Finally (and sorry for not having a separate pic of the cream) is the Philosophy Whipped Body Creme in Amazing Grace.  I've loved this fragrance for some time now.  I ordered the cream just to get my cart total to $50 at Sephora but it has turned out to be a good buy.  As I said, I love the fragrance, it lasts all day.  The cream itself is saving my dry skin right now, too.  (this one might be discontinued though...*tear)

I'd say that covers my absolute favorites for this past month.  Here are the things I have my eye on for January:

Living Proof Happy Hair Days Kit:  This kit has all the things I want to try from the line.  Perfect Hair Shampoo/Conditioner, 5 in 1 Styling treatment, Overnight Perfector and Dry Shampoo.  I keep hearing great things about this line but don't want to drop the big bucks (it's not cheap) until I know if the stuff is worth it.  This kit would let me try this stuff out first.

Tarte Amazonian Clay 12 Hour Full Coverage Foundation (why are these names so long?):  I already ordered this with a gift card I got for Christmas.  I had a sample that seemed to really work well so I bought the full size.  Can't wait to try it throughout January!  On another note, this item is probably the first item I bought based off of a sample.

I'd also love the Becca x Jaclyn Hill Shimmering Skin Perfector Pressed in Champagne Pop and Becca Backlight Priming Filter but that's getting a little out of control.  These have both been on my list for months but I always end up going with something else when I order beauty items at Sephora. I'll eventually make up my mind to get these and then they will be discontinued (at least one is limited edition).  Wahhh!

Things I need recommendations on:

Anyone reading have a recommendation for a good primer?  Or a facial cleanser/toner that minimizes pores?

Appreciating 2015 - Day Two

What was time wasted this year?

I wasted time on social media this year.  Sure I learned ALOT about things that I have no control over.  ALOT of things made me angry and dumbass posts made me want to slap the shit out of some people.  Emma did a art project for school recently.  The project was to draw a political depiction.  She drew two balloons (each representing the major political parties) flanking the world which was in the middle.  The next scene showed the balloons popping and multicolored confetti falling from the balloons.  Her third scene featured the world covered in confetti and the words "we are all the same inside we just have different opinions".  I'm really proud of her for coming up with this concept and it really showed me that it's just a matter of different opinions (although some people's opinions are bullshit...lol).  I need to stop wasting time caring about other people's opinions be it on social media, in face to face conversation, or anywhere else I might encounter them.  That's just major time wasted!

What was money wasted this year?

We have no savings fund.  If something goes wrong, we are fucked!  There was money wasted on stuff that I don't even think I have any more.  I wasted money on purchasing WW memberships, GPS watches for the running I don't do, clothes I thought were cute on the hanger but not on me, etc. etc. etc.  We work hard and have nothing to show for it but a bunch of stuff.  A major goal for the new year (along with getting a better paying job) is saving for a rainy day and putting money away for a down payment on a house.  Now THAT, would be money well spent and not wasted.

What was the biggest challenge you faced this year?

Definitely all of my health issues.  I spent the majority of this year getting bad news about my health or no news at all.  Not knowing why I feel bad has been challenging.  How do you address an issue when you don't even know what it is.  I've had a hard time wrapping my head around the issues I know of too.  Accepting that I have diabetes has been hard.  And knowing that this is what is going to end up killing me (a strong possibility that the degeneration from this disease will do me in!) is for some reason so hard for me to take.  You would think that everything I know and have seen in regards to this disease would make me straighten up, it hasn't. 

If anything, what would you change about how you handled that challenge?

I would go back in time when I was first warned by my doctor that if I didn't change my lifestyle I would end up with full blown diabetes.  That was close to 11 years ago when I had my son. 

Are you ending the year with any unfinished business?

Don't I end every year with unfinished business?  I didn't lose the weight.  I didn't advance my career (or at the least my paycheck).  I haven't been a better mom/wife/friend.

Are there any outstanding goals you’d like to let go of?

No.  The goals I had, I still have for the new year.  I'm not letting go of them.  In fact, I will be working harder than ever to meet my goals in 2016.

What was your worst setback in 2015?

Health issues, for sure.  This has been my worst year of feeling bad.  I woke up many days with no real motivation to even get up.  There were days when I felt so bad that I just let everything slide.  I had no drive to better myself.  I accepted that I was just not worth fighting for and I had to work extremely hard to turn those thoughts around.  My kids need me.  My husband needs me.  I'm worth fighting for.

Which bad habits or unhealthy patterns did you engage in that you’d like to give up once and for all?

Being sedentary.  Eating badly.  Spending more time with the online world than the people I love and care for.

What or whom held you back this year? Did anything make you shrink into yourself or feel defensive about your dreams?

I held myself back.  When you really consider this question, you are the only one that can really hold yourself back and it's up to you to go for it.  I have held on to years of resentment and blame for the way I grew up.  It doesn't even matter anymore and I can't go back and change things from the past.  The only option is to move forward and change the future.  I can't continue to think that I'm not worth it or that I'm not capable.  I can do all things I set my mind to no matter who or what gets in the way.  If you block me, get ready to get run over this coming year.

How did you hold yourself back this year? Which beliefs | ideas | excuses stopped you from pushing forward?

I believed that I was not smart enough to make things happen.  My beliefs were that others always had more talent, resources and ability to pass me by.  I believed that my body wasn't capable of changing for the better.  I thought that it was too hard to make changes to be healthier and that it isn't even worth it.  I know now that it IS hard but it ISN'T impossible.

Appreciating 2015 - Day One

I ran across a new blog by way of another new blog today.  The blog is called "Marketing Creativity" and at first I thought is was all about marketing for some reason (maybe cause the word marketing is in the title?).  As I checked the blog out further, I discovered that it was also about creativity (again, title?). And as I scrolled through even further I ran across a 7 day prompt geared toward appreciating 2015.

I started writing a post the other day that had a theme of reflection.  I, like many others, always make New Years resolutions that never stick.  I give up, or forget about them, before January is even over.  This year I wanted to soul search a bit and figure out my why for the different goals I always have.  Ive been trying to lose the same 25, then 30, and now 40 pounds for the last few years. I've been attempting to exercise consistently for the last 10 years. And I've been trying to be a better person and mom for as long as I can remember.  Why is it that I've never really been able to finish these goals?  I can only attribute this to negative headspace. There's a lot of "I can't do this" and "it doesn't matter anyway" and every time I throw my goals away, I don't really learn anything from the repeat pattern of failure.  

Then you add the aspect of resolutions and it just starts another pattern. Resolutions are fun because they are shiny and new.  Making resolutions gives you this feeling of accomplishment. Simply declaring that you will accomplish XYZ in the coming year gives a little umph. It's thrilling to reach for something new every start of year.  But the thrill wears off quickly when you don't understand the why.  The usual why's don't seem to motivate me all the way through.  I guess my whys are surface whys.  I owe it to myself to delve a little deeper into what really drives me.

I thought the prompts from the blog I found were a great start to dissecting my thoughts and behaviors. Really looking at 2015 and understanding why my goals didn't come full circle should give me some insight on what I need to tweak to hit goal this coming year.  As 2016 looms, I guarantee that my resolutions are the same as they have been for years.  Figuring out how to get there will be different. 

10 Questions for Today's Review:

What was time very well spent this year?

Definitely the time spent with my family.  I felt the most joy and contentment when I was with my husband and kids. Whether it was just hanging around the house or taking trips to Sea World. I was always resistant (i.e. lazy) but when I did get my butt going I had a great time.  My kids are growing so fast and I sometimes look at the bigger picture of them leaving home. Did I really behave in a way that made their life more enriched?  Did I do things in a way that taught them something?  

What was money very well spent this year?

Oh boy.  I spent a lot of money.  Money on nothing significant. Mainly money on wants. Lots of makeup, perfume, clothes and shoes which all made me happy so I guess it was money well spent.  Then again, why did material things make me happy?  I'm going to need to work on that.

What are your favorite memories of 2015?

This one is hard because I can't remember what happened earlier today let alone over an entire year.  Some memories: 

*picking out Bella (our sweet Maltipoo) at the pound 

*seeing how excited Cody was when he got home from the FC Barcelona soccer game

*the first time I took Emma to get her hair done and how mad she was.  now she makes her own appointments. lol

*our Big Bear trip - fishing and hiking - almost dying on the Gold Rush trail (it's funny now...honest!)

What did you accomplish or complete this year?

I actually figured out that I could apply for graduation for my AA degree.  It's just been sitting there!  I also took classes through work toward transfer to a BA degree.  Of course this might be put on hold if I leave my current job (no more free classes).

Did you make any progress on long-term goals?

One of my long term goals is to advance my career.  I'm truly tired of the paycheck to paycheck and the lack of challenge.  A road block to that has been my laid back attitude at work.  I don't ask for "more". I had the pleasure of getting to know a new co-worker over the past year and she has really taught me a lot about being your own advocate.  The answer is always no if you don't ask.  

What felt successful about the year, as a whole?

Perserverance!  I went on a lot of interviews. Some I was denied for and some I declined the job. I learned that even though I might not get everything I want, the goal is to keep trying.  I won't quit on my dreams!  That alone seems successful to me.  

Did you overcome any obstacles or mental blocks this year?

Hmmmm.  I think I'm still working on this.  As I said earlier, I have a lot of negative self talk.  When I'm denied or fail at something I tend to abandon the goal.  Mostly the goals that take a bit longer.  Losing 40 pounds doesn't happen over night so that's a hard one for me to stick to and stay positive about.  Short term stuff, like the next interview, is easier to keep fighting for.  Those things have more instant gratification.  So I guess I could say that I've gotten good at taking rejection, crying over it for a minute, and then trying again.  I do need to work on erasing mental blocks when it comes to long term goals though (losing weight, finishing a bachelors degree).

What did you learn about yourself after all that happened in 2015?

I'm not a door mat. I learned that I can take a challenge and figure out the solution.  I've learned that I just need to keep trying for what I want and not to take no for an answer.  I've learned that many times rejection is not personal.  Maybe there is someone that has better qualifications or another "in". So what?  That doesn't define ME!  I need to apply this to my health struggles.  Figuring out how to walk my own path and not focusing on others is key for me right now.

Who nurtured or supported you most this year?

*the co-worker I mentioned earlier

*my kids and hubby

*various FB and blog personalities that don't even know I exist

Who did you enjoy nurturing and supporting?

*my kids, without a doubt (and I plan on doing even better in 2016)

Sadly my kids are probably the only people that I can claim to have nurtured and supported.  I realize that I need to work on giving to others more. I really lack in being a good wife and friend (and sometimes mother). 

My Workout Plan

I had every intention of coming onto the blog at least once a week to write and here we are just a day short of a month and I'm only now writing another post.

C'est la vie. Am I right?

Whatever.  Moving on!

So the update on my health is that there isn't an update. The second blood test came back negative  for auto immune disease to the surprise of myself and my doctor.  We did discover that the bacteria in my stomach is still alive and well though so I started treatment for that again.  It. Was. Horrible!   But somehow I made it through and now I wait and pray for the next four weeks and hope all the medicines I took wiped out the bacteria once and for all.  In four weeks I go back again to test for the stomach bacteria, auto immune disease - take three, and hashimotos (which is a type of autoimmune disease that requires another test). I'm hoping that all three test come back negative. But then I'm back to square one...why do I feel like shit on a stick?

In the meantime I'm going to attempt an exercise routine again.  I'm still teetering between signing up at 24 Hour Fitness (I like the classes!) or just doing an at home DVD workout (I have to get through Piyo).   It is still my ultimate goal to run a half marathon one day.  It's good to have big goals!  I'm also making the start of this coming week a beginning point to start tracking my food intake again via My Fitness Pal. I'm hoping that small step will lead to big results. 

Let's do this!  

The Background and Why I'm Here!

It has been a hot minute and I just single-handedly erased all of my failed attempts at weight loss and getting my life together from this blog.  All of the "I'm back and it's real this time" were a stark reminder of how I could never really get it done.  Just sitting there staring me in the face, laughing at me.  Ugh!
So, today, I start this blog anew.
I recently went to my doc (a new one) and explained to her how I have been feeling awful at a non stop rate.  I have been exhausted, feeling nauseous, and dealing with a daily headache.  Of course I thought that all of these things were solely related to my extra weight and T2.  My doc sent me for blood work and I honestly thought that the results would come back with the same old same old.
Then this past Thursday, I was sitting at work and became extremely dizzy...for hours.  I couldn't shake the spinning I had going on in my own head.  I pleaded and promised, as I have done many times before, that if the end result wasn't the emergency room then I would definitely get my health together.  I don't know who I was pleading with, this time I might have been pleading with myself.
I ended up leaving work early and calling my doc to see if my blood test results were in.  Of course they had been received (why can't they ever call you with results?) and that the results were waiting to be read by my doc.  I waited a few more hours and then finally got and email (sometimes technology is a little too much, don't cha think?) asking me to schedule an appointment soon.  You can bet your ass that I called the minute I saw that email.  Especially after my dizzy episode!
As I'm sitting in the doctors office on Friday afternoon waiting for my doc to break the news that my blood sugars have spiked yet again, I did not consider that there could be additional issues with my health.  I readied myself for the lecture that I need to lose weight and to stop eating sugar.  I was ready to argue that I could not take Metformin (the medicine everyone wants to shove down my throat) and that without assistance to lower the sugar levels I would have an extremely difficult time losing weight.
My doctor walked in and I eyed her sideways.  She asked me how I had been feeling since she saw me last and I told her that I felt like crap with a side of dizzy.  She nodded her head and said, "I have some answers for you and I'm going to explain what is going on."
FINALLY!!!
I felt an instant relief.  I felt like this doc was going to talk to me, not at me.  I felt like we might be partners in the decision making for my health and she hadn't even said anything with substance yet.
She asked me some questions and then came and sat next to me (what? you aren't going to talk at me from across the room).  As she pulled out my lab results she told me that there was a lot to go over and that she would explain the plan to get me feeling better when we got to the end. Hallelujah, I couldn't wait to talk about feeling better!
As she moved through the report, she did go over the usual suspects.  My cholesterol looked decent.  My thyroid was ok.  The white, the red, the other little blood cells were in good shape. Of course my blood sugar had spiked an additional 0.5%.  I had not doubt the report would show that.  All of these things were things I knew and was ready for.
Then she talked about autoimmune disease.
The only thing I could really say to that was, "no one has ever tested me".  My doctor looked at me and told me that she tested me for this because every symptom I described pointed to a positive for autoimmune disease and now here it was highlighted on my lab results.  She explained that autoimmune diseases make your body attack itself from within.  
As she left the room to ask her medical assistant to set me up on an EKG (just to be sure that my heart was ok, it is!) I furiously started Googling "autoimmune diseases".  Some of what I found really gave me pause.  Lupus, MS, rheumatoid arthritis???  I don't know what type of autoimmune disease I could be dealing with at this point, but I'm somewhat relieved that I finally have something to hold onto.  I had reserved myself to feeling crappy for the rest of my days and this test result gives me some hope that once we pinpoint an actual disease, we will be able to treat it.  I'm not delusional though, I know I'll never be 100% but I do know that there are steps that I can take to get on a better path to health.  I know that I'm 100% responsible for how I'm going to get through this.  
I stopped off at the lab yesterday and had more blood work and my breath test done (yes, there's something else going on with my tummy too).  I wanted to get that going right away and I'm waiting anxiously to find out what the test reveals.
My doc broke it down like this for me...
There will be two plans that she will need to put me on.  One to manage my diabetes and get me to weight loss.  The other to manage my autoimmune disease (whatever it might be). Plan 1 (manage my T2 diabetes)

• Start Januvia meds  
• Measure my blood sugars four times a day to find trends
• Eliminate most of the sugar I have been eating
• Cut back drastically on carbs (oh mama, that's going to be sooooo hard for me!)
• Lose weight (thing above should help with that)

Plan 2 (manage my autoimmune disease)

• to be determined

I'm also having to see a GI doc for an ongoing tummy issue.  I guess they will start a plan 3 for me?  Man, I'm seriously broken!
All of this brings me to why I'm on this blog again.  Blogging is actually very therapeutic for me.  I like to write my thoughts out and read over them.  I like making goal lists and posting cool ideas that I find.  With the recent health issues coming to light it's brought me back to earth. I had ignored my health and made half ass attempts at weight loss.  I didn't really care.  I didn't really consider that "shit would get real".  I still don't really know if things have completely hit home but that is why I'm here.  Spewing out my thoughts and putting it all out in an organized way will hopefully help me stay focused.  That's the plan...STAY FOCUSED.